Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives
us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can
see your rear end without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only
time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream "Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will,
too!"
Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves
and we're sitting on our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks??"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can
still retain is water.
Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally
..more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.
Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
